ON THIS DAY IN HISTORY, 1861

On this day in 1861, national liberation forces under Generals Pierre G.T. Beauregard and Joseph E. Johnston defeated proto-New World Order forces at the First Battle of Bull Run, also known as First Manassas. It was a tough slog, but the Confederates routed Lincoln's lawless Halliburton-style mercenaries. Big businessmen and other assorted scum, picnicked near the battlefield totally confident that the forces of capitalism would win the day. The revellers joined the general retreat. - Jack Campbell